Love kills: The alex cox tattoo

I had my first actual planned out kiss on the night princess Diana died.
I was dating a girl named veronica and we were at a party. We sat on the front steps and it happened. When it was over and I was riding home in the back seat of my moms car (we had gone with her to some family thing) the news came on. I just kept looking up at the stars. Veronica was the type of girl who dressed in black and was very much of similar personality with Lydia in beetlejuice.

 I was in love...i mean sexuality for me has always been sort of something not concrete.
the thing is that after my turbulent upbringing she was the first person I allowed into my life.
"hell is for children" etc was her motto..her long sleeved dresses covered self inflicted wounds. "hey Sid and Nancy Is on next week...can you record it?"
didn't know anything about sid vicious at the time. Veronica had a thing for him and she came over and watched the flick. Thing is that I saw what she was attracted to..the desperation. I think it was why we were attracted to each other. She was a kid from the projects...i was from a broken home.
I carried veronica with me for years after. Couldn't help but watch sid and Nancy alone when it was on.
now Alex Cox really only made three notable contributions to cinema...all cult movies...
-sid and nancy
- repoman
- the screenplay for "fear and loathing in Las Vegas"
10/18/13. I went with my Jewish friend shmu to book soup and we sat listening to Alex Cox talk Kennedy assassination conspiracy. I had my vinyl record of "sid and Nancy" ready. I asked him to sign a paper so I could get a tattoo and told him I was going to get the tattoo next to Penelope spheeris who had done the other quintessential Los Angeles punk movie (he pointed out "suburbia" came out the same year as repoman).
"I've never been a tattoo before!"
a week later I got his signature and Richard kellys tattoo inked using the papers they had signed. I burned the papers when it was done
..right across the street from the place I had my first kiss. I'm queer..and happily so...but can't help but think of all the things that were and could have been.

The killing moon: The Richard kelly tattoo

At one point I went from tattoo shop to tattoo shop on Hollywood blvd with a laptop asking for a price estimate on a tattoo idea. I had my Donnie darko DVD frozen to a scene where the titular character had written a countdown to the end of the world on his arm with marker...

nobody got it...one guy told me I "should print it out and bring it in." finally I found one guy who did my tattoo freehand. It was an important tattoo for me because it was specific to a time in my life. The first time I attempted cohabitation with someone I loved was in my early twenties. I fell head over heels for one guy. He was a projectionist in a cinema who once took me to the projection booth...which for a film geek is amazing. He loved French new wave and geeky cinema. We dated for a few moths and ultimately timing worked and when I moved to my north Hollywood apartment with my roommate I brought him a long. We had our own room with it's own restroom...we went to Ikea and bought furnishings. Above the bed he put a framed photo of frank the bunny.  kid loved the movie.
we loved that movie...in theory we should have worker as a couple but we didn't because I wasn't ready for it.
whereas he related to Donnie darko based on feeling he was smarter than the life he was dealt...more self aware..i related to the direness of it all. The world is ending and I know this...it's coming soon and I can't help it. Altruism...self sacrifice...there are ways to read the ending (Christ metaphor? ) but at the time if you were to ask me I what it meant to me I would say "peace" the end is peace.
some time after I and the projectionist broke up due to me pushing him away I met someone who shared a similar wish for the end and also carried a heavy burden that comes with having lived too hard too long. We walked around downtown Los Angeles...i with my left forearm with cryptic numbers counting down the end.
we walked around downtown and I found bits and piece of my own psyche and realized the desperation one probably encounters with me.
years later my downtown companion would also get the numbers tattooed. While never admitting it I'd like to think he saw something in me too that night.
"and filmmaker Richard Kelly will be signing before the movie...."
damn it
by 08/02/13 I already had a frank the bunny costume and a tattoo based on his second underrated film "southland tales" and here he was at an outdoor cinema screening of Donnie Darko at Santa Monica high and I didn't have my costume or anything with me since I didn't even know he was going to be there.
luckily I brought my frank the bunny deluxe figure just for decoration purposes so I took that. I went with this guy named Wade (someone I did a lot of outdoor screenings with last year but never was involved with,)
and I was broke and didn't have money for a tattoo...but Richard Kelly was a signature I always knew I wanted.
"and it's so awesome that you're all here for a movie I made and someday maybe I'll make another movie that will be shown here too." Richard Kelly said as he introduced the movie.
he went off to sign and random fans showed up. I went up and explained my signature tattoo idea and asked him to sign my figure ( didn't come out right) and asked him if he could sign a paper I got from wade.
"I am very humbled by your request" he said as he took it to a nearby table so he could have a better backing.
 l got it inked at a later date (more on that later). sometimes the world isn't as dire and sometimes 28 days later it and you are still here. And it's good.

with great power: the stan Lee tattoo

Peter Parker: [voiceover] Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied.

yes I know Stan lee didn't work alone
yes I know he's not directly cinema related
but the characters he helped create have been a part of media for a looooong time. I mean look at his contribution to cinema...the"marvel cinematic universe" alone.

as a kid everyone always said I was bright. In kinder I made a painting the teacher talked to my parents about it and the following year I was placed in gifted classes...obviously it didn't last but that was largely because school was the only place I had to get away from the troubles at home. It was a vacation for me and I never was able to focus...one teacher got so frustrated when I was in second grade that he sent me to kindergarten classes for a few days.

my life was just full of a lot of adults who failed me. No one knew about the abuse at home. My own father let me down the most but at the same time he's part of the reason I'm a geek and he gave me tools that helped me escape from the harsh reality of my home life.

For a whole week growing up when my parents were still together my dad and I put together a jumbo sized marvel characters puzzle in the dinning room table, causing us to have to eat in the living room.

Dad is an army man who when I was a tyke would go around entertaining me with hulk impersonations...when my parents divorced and my mom met my stepfather one of the first acts he did was taking my action figures to the swapmeet. My childhood gone but not forgotten. My issues as a child paled in comparison to say Spiderman (fav) fighting doctor octopus or the fantastic four fighting a guy who eats worlds....stan lee was someone I didn't think I would ever get a signature tattoo from but then one day at comickazee it happened. 09/15/12 Days before my 32nd bday I was in line with my youngest sister at a comic convention. An assistant read out what item people wanted signed
POSTER!
COMIC!
"what did you bring to get signed?"
"my arm..."
"ARM!"
then it was my time and I swear ...i got that feeling of time standing still. Everybody around me faded and it was just me and Stan...i just thanked him...over and over...he helped me so much on those nights I wished I was stronger so I wouldn't bruise as hard...or when I wished I could fly away from it all. This signature..this tattoo that one was for me..for that kid that made it through.

rise above: the Henry rollins tattoo

once upon a time I had cable in my room.
once upon a time my girlfriend (yeah CIS female) introduced me to Henry Rollins...now MTV circa 1997 was an interesting time. Around that time I was beginning to accept my sexuality.
now I was a queer punker by that point..blossoming punker really.
so by that point I developed a crush on Travis barker. But one faithful evening veronica got giddy when the "Liar" music video came on.
so veronica is sitting there grinning...and I'm sitting there trying not to get giddy myself.
so I'm sitting at book soup 10/27/11 as Henry Rollins is talking about his book of photos /essay "occupants."
"I try to fight the man a little every day.."
he's perfect...mainly because of his passion for social change.
many a times at occupy LA I crushed on guys like him....now just to be clear this wasn't just some school girl crush. Ask anyone who their favorite black flag frontman is and you'll hear any of a number of answers (Keith Morris is mu fav). Now...black flag was a part of the early LA punk scene.  I already had a blue germs circle tattoo and wanted to get the black flag bars inked...i just didn't know how to not have them be the standard design. See in terms of iconic punk logos the bars are up there with the crimson ghost skull (still haven't gotten that one yet). So one day it hit me...celluloid strips!
see I discovered my love of punk and cinema roughly at the same time so it made sense.
Henry Rollins was the first time I broke the rules I had established for myself on signatures. Obviously not a filmmaker but still influential to punk and for a bit also film. When we talked briefly I mentioned his IFC show.
most of the filmmakers that had signed my arm were on his show.

vindication when he stated he "was checking out my tattoo and liked it." met him at a later date..."thanks for your contribution to punk but above all thanks for your support of the lgbtq community" it was one of those sincere moments where he put his pen down and talked to me honest and sincerely.
"I don't see how someone can't. I wish most of these politicians would just be more honest and say they're just homophobes."
swoon