Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and... there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
She tells me I don't have to see her twice a month as I had been...tells me it's an ass needed basis. I read this as me just being "ok" I know this may be the last time we have our sessions..
" you know...i didn't even know if I should have come in the first place...i didn't know if it was that bad..."
she laughs..."oh it was !"
I left knowing that the past was going to have to stay there more often. Problem is that it isn't as easy. Problem with being a victim of your mind...you try to explain it to someone and they usually don't care. With disabilities...if you're not visibly disabled people forget. My time getting therapy was hard for me...i was on paxil...i took medication for panic attacks....
...with PTSD it's like filling a flask with say..jack...you pour and slowly and surely it fills up. You never know how much is left...but at some point it's going to spill out. Problem is that it's just never the same. Anxiety is dependent on the day and your state of mind.
I think you get tired of asking for sympathy sometimes because it's not something you want but something you need.
see I relate to the titular character in Donnie darko.
when I first saw it I knew I found someone in cinema I could relate to.
all of my life I've been told I'm smart...just always been a prisoner of my own mind. I can accept this as can my closest.
the one person I can trust the most to understand and not make a judgments is my best friend squared he understands because he's just been through panic attacks and episode after another.
we're never told in Donnie darko what the breaking point was..that moment his family realized this was a mental health issue...but his parents...while not understanding the issue fully know there is one and are compassionate.
Donnie: [to his mother] How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
Rose Darko: It feels wonderful.
if I'm having a bad day my mom will ask me if I've medicated..i think she knows it's bad largely because of an incident where I took a few too many anxiety pills and she had to drive me to the hospital as I passed out.
mental disability requires a support structure. Just seems impossible to find when people don't understand.
