Werner Herzog - Deeper reasons

Werner Herzog
It is a very heavy question. There is no frivolity in answering this. I cannot really argue. It is as it is. I wish this singer was still alive and hadn't seen Stroszek at that moment. But deep at the bottom of my heart I do believe that Stroszek was not the reason that he killed himself. I do believe that he must have had some very, very serious deeper other reasons and he may have, and I'm very cautious, he may have used the film as a ritual step into what he was doing. 

In 1977 Werner Herzog made a movie named "Stroszek" (Ebert called it "One of the oddest films ever made")
Three years later Ian Curtis lead singer of the band "Joy Division" viewed it on television before killing himself.  The connection between these two incidents isn't significant.  Having had my own deathtrips in the past I am familiar with the ability to find solace and release in cinema.  The term "Cinematherapy" applies to the belief you can find temporary relief from your woes "forget your problems with a big bowl of mental strawberry ice cream" (you feel depressed...You watch a "Chick flick" etc.).  Alternatively you can find connections in cinema that influence /touch you at a specific time...in the immediacy of it all.  It's a notion I am very familiar with.  A roomate once told me I was the only person she knew who "Watched scenes from movies."  And I do...the Saraghina dancing on the beach for example (8 1/2) it's my favorite movie scene.
When I met Gregg Araki I bought a movie I only knew vaguely about from a trailer I had seen a trailer for when I saw a midnight movie.  Years later I found myself in the arms of Matt..Offering comfort while watching that movie..Cinema therapy.

After what I considered the best years of my twenties...I left the apartment in NoHo I shared with a friend at the time / moved in and out of east Hollywood...and ultimately moved back home with plans of splitting part of a duplex with my sister and her guy.
It was there that I met Matt....We met online and I didn't see the logic in him having any interest in someone like me and well....ultimately he was the first to come that would show me this idea.,,,the idea that there was other individuals out there just as damaged as me.  Maybe I was attracted to the idea of being able to save them, offer them comfort I always sought? I don't know...But Matt started it all.  Now we had a friendship that lasted a bit, but really only had a few dates.  On one date we went to a movie in Santa Monica that seemed interesting.
"Grizzly man" was the story of Timothy Treadwell...a documentarian who lived in the wild with bears, ultimately he and a companion were mauled by a bear.  Werner Herzog made a documentary in an attempt to figure out these eccentric tendencies exhibited by Treadwell which ultimately lead to him being killed.  Matt put his arm on my shoulder.
He put it there and he held it for a bit.
The guy I didn't think would be interested in me because he seemed on another level of some unattainable something or other in this queer world was interested in me.
Needless to say it didn't go anywhere.
I grew older
My roomate Brian introduces me to "Joy division"
I find the Ian curtis connection
I see Herzog in "Mr.Lonely" and weep.
One day he messages me and tells me he misses me yada yada yada we're hiking.
He tells me any of a number of personal woes and we share some moments.  I realize at that point something I will always keep in mind from that point on...something that I think is best told in a poem by Willa Cather
"The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one's own."
So we sit on the futon and he's upset.  I know he needs something...some sort of emotional release.
I put on "Harold and Maude" and by the end he has his head on my shoulder (think "Mysterious skin")

08/01/2009
Book soup
I'm next in line to meet Werner Herzog and suddenly I realize at this point that my signature project isn't just about these movies anymore.  It's not high school and good times, ex girlfriends and our "prom of doom" horror movie athon we had on the date of the actual prom....It was just about people and times.  And Herzog is there and i'm thinking Brian and Joy division, and Matt....Matt met me at a very strange time in my life, sort of one in his too.
Herzog signs my arm and I thank him.
cinematherapy works
just avoid Herzog movies when you're depressed.

The decline of western civilization: the Penelope Spheeris tattoo

that stupid punk rock

the story of my punk upbringing is the story of Penelope spheeris...let me first tell you the reader of my upbringing.

by the age of 14 my stepdad was finally out of the house and inwas dropped off at my first day of high school by my dad. I stuck to myself and didn't really hang with a lot of people. Around sophmore year I met a girl named veronica and we dated for a year. When veronica split I starter hanging with some guys who were a mishmash of punk and skater guys...then one day I met Richard. Richard was an overweight skater kid who always smelt bad and lived in the projects.

now the first time I met Richard was when he was humping the ground where me and my new girlfriend , Josie, were hanging at the time. Based on us userping his hanging area he became part of our group. Weekends often became a kickback at my place where Richard would bring over a forty and spend the weekend watching films.

it was Richard who first introduced me to punk music specifically his favorite band the germs.

one day he asked me scan a picture of "his dad Darby crash" it was then that I developed my crush on Darby. I found an article on Darby and I eventually figured out..like me he was queer. Eleventh and twelfth grade was all about crass / the germs. At some point Richard put on "suburbia" and the decline of western civilization. Now if you're looking at definet LA punk cinema two films by Penelope spheeris stand out (the decline series and suburbia)..

I watched both almost religiously when I was starting to find my way in LA punk history. The stories and events were right in my backyard. Around 19 I came out to Richard and needless to say we stopped hanging out.

I didn't stop listening to early Los Angeles punk..because it was never really about him...punk for me has always been about

living unapologetically and the sounds of the scene were loud and politcal and spoke to me...i mean show me someone who likes punk music and I'll show you someone who came from a broken home.

now a signature I knew I wanted was Penelope spheeris. She documented a scene that I loved, was my introduction and invitation at further exploration of the scene and was tied into a very specific time in my life and development..a time when I was finding my voice and trying to make sense out of the bullshit state of affairs I had grown up with.

now on 04/15/03 spheeris went to a showing of the decline part 1 and 3 at the Egyptian theater. Met her and a bunch of key figures in the early LA punk scene (Keith Morris, lee ving, Alice bag).

I remember asking spheeris to sign my ticket stub she looked at it said"what is this a bus ticket?" and insisted we search for a bigger paper to sign. Now I framed that paper from the "Los Angeles Latino film festival" but years later I feared I wouldn't get a chance to meet her again. The only time I really get a chance to meet some of these filmmakers is when they have retrospectives...but I had attended one for the decline...i just wasn't doing my whole tattoo signature idea so it seemed bleak...then the Greek film festival hit.

I didn't even know Penelope spheeris was greek

the Egyptian was showing suburbia as part of programming for the Greek film festival....now it was a huge wtf I'll tell you that right now

if you've seen "suburbia" you know that as far as exploitation movies go it's out there...produced by Roger corman...the opening scene has a baby being mauled by a dog...it's that sort of movie.

A smiling middle aged Greek woman welcomed me and stolzman at the Egyptian...now the audience was

A. Elderly Greek people most likely there to support the event (both first and second generation)

B. Status seeking younger people of Greek descent

C. Punks

the only ones that seemed in on the joke were the punks. I and stolzman settled down next to the punks because we stuck out less with them. So post movie q and a I sort of sat there with the punks and snickered...everyone asking questions was mainly Greek people who had no clue what they were in for "I think every parent raising a child who's a punk should watch this so they can understand the scene"

post movie I saw spheeris in the lobby and asked her to sign my arm...explained the whole project and post signature she told her crew that me and stolzman"rocked" which coming from her meant a lot...then I got an email..

 

Penelope Spheeris

Hey there!

 That is so cool you have my name tattooed on your arm! I remember the night you asked me, I thought you were kidding! You rock! Take care of yourself. Much love,

 Penelope

Jun 29, 2010

 

while it would be good to end this there I think it's a disservice...i thanked Richard for introducing me to punk and I still see him around. I see him sometimes at the store and we really don't have much to talk about anymore. We stopped talking because I'm gay. It's just awkward knowing that's the reason we drifted apart. Spent a lot of time doing my own exploration to the scene that I love...i got born in 80 so I didn't get to explore it. It's interesting but in the past decade since meeting Penelope the first time I've grown a lot more comfortable with myself but have also come to realize just how important queers were to the scene.I've heard stories and hung our with people who went grave digging with Darby...one day I heard spheeris was going to be at a panel of queer short films at the Egyptian...so i went.

now the film was a fictional narrative with Penelopes own sister who is an out lesbian..the film has segments recorded during the first Los Angeles pride...post movie I went up to Penelope.."wow you documented the early LA punk scene and first pride event!"

I told her it was important for people like me who weren't around. I continued my one personal celebration of Los Angeles punk till I met schmu..another queer punk dude who happens to like similar music. It's important in this scene to find your"tribe" isn't that what movies like "suburbia" are about? Subcultural unity? Glad I found some. What can I say? I was just another queer punk

 

 

 

coffee and pie: the one with Rian Johnson

the story of Rian Johnson is the story of one Christopher stolzman
see at one point on the same day I got araki's signature me and stolzman were huffing it from the aero theater to the nuart so we could see Gregg Araki after we went to a showing of "brick" (after Sundance before wide release) being a noir fan I was captivated.

on 09/19/2008 I and stolzman huffed it from downtown (where they were showing blade runner) to see a midnight showing of "brick" (where we met Rian and we mentioned being at the aero showing and he told us "that was the first time he realized he had something" it was my bday and I couldn't think of a more awesome time...plus he drew a symbol on my arm from "brick" and I got it inked
then 09/28/11 happened...the greatest cinematic experience ever.
we often go to the "new Beverly"cinema because they always have the best revival bills ever (trainspotting/run Lola run, clerks /clerks 2 etc). So...Rian Johnson had a programming thingie and they showed"f is for fake" and (my favorite movie) "8 1/2" in celebration of the release of his second movie brother's bloom.
so we're sitting there waiting for stuff to start when I see Noah seagan ...

now at that point I start getting excited ..not solely due to my crush being there but also because Rian Johnson is supposed to do an introduction. So we're sitting there, Rian plays some"radiolab" and then he announces Joseph Gordon Levitt..is going to sing...so JGL, Rian and Noah all take the stage in true religious revival fashion perform "step right up" ..i sit there mouth open. Stolzman goes out and has a cigarette next to jgl...it's that sort of night.
this would be considered one of my most awesome cinematic experiences ever. Now this was a specific time in my life. It was this period
where I would ride my bike all over town with stolzman and we would go to del taco and the new Beverly (projection guy started calling us "first fans").
when I first started my tattoo signature project in an effort to not go nilly Willy
stolzman made this rule of three...if I like three movies by the filmmaker they qualified for a tattoo. Rian by that point only had the two...
then I read his newest movie the aformentioned "brothers bloom" was opening at the arclight...and this one I did solo
I fell in love with the film and after Rian did a q and a and stuck around to sign stuff. Originally I wanted him to write"midnight" under my brick tattoo but I then asked him to sign my arm...sure it defied the rules of three but I realized how important he was...this one chunk of time was stolzman and my therapy with PTSD and my name change..it seemed like I had matured in this chunk of time that me and stolzman had seen him and his flicks. I got his signature, went out and met up with stolzman..the next day I got a tattoo. Stolzman went with me to see his next movie "looper." where Rian came out in an arclight usher uniform to introduce the flick.

The silent bob signature tattoo tale

once upon a time in pico Rivera I had cable. Now kids back in the day they had pay preview channels where you could preview movies. A channel just ran trailers of pay per view cinema. So I found "chasing Amy" that way and I was hooked. At the time I was about 17 and was just discovering myself and I suppose a movie with both geekness and lgbtq themes got to me. I recorded it and I fell in love.  Now when I entered college I took some playwriting classes (about a year) I had a passion for it but found that my cinema preferences often clashed with people who just went on and on about theater experiences they had. One day the professor announced we each had to write a one act and have it be judged my representatives from the Kennedy center. I wrote a piece about a guy confessing his love for a girl...last ditch "all or nothing" effort....then I saw mallrats (yes...mallrats inspired me)
now this came as a revelation to me. The idea that a story can be conveyed in my tone...your average friendly neighborhood geek. Our professor always blasted me for making references"the general audience" wouldn't get...for fucks sake he once told me I should omit a line as too vague, when all the guy said was he "didn't want to be another brick in the wall." All praise fell on a lady who wrote a one piece about a woman (claimed it was something that happened to her mother) who was being interviewed by a Nazi officer! It was completely paint by numbers.
so after a director was assigned
before casting or anything I chucked the script
the new story involved an asshole sabotaging his friend hooking up with a girl he lusted over..graduation night.
and it was chock full of geekness...hell the whole thing is set against a viewing of"Carrie"
no one liked it but my fellow geeks,
the Kennedy center hated it
the director didn't even bother to show up
Nazi story woman got praise
somewhere a dog barked
but I stood by my convictions. I wasn't making things for the general public I was making things in my own Spiderman man loving manchild voice and I wasn't apologizing for it. Due to lack of adult male figure in my household all my younger siblings latched onto my likes. First time I met Kevin smith my 7 year oldish sis got a comic signed by him ("I didn't know our fans were this young") Kevin told her.
I got second place in a short story contest...Kevin gave me a pep talk
I went to arclight with my boyfriend and talked to Kevin and his wife who were in attendance
I broke up with my boyfriend...Kevin hugged me...it seemed for a bit that Kevin smith cameoed in my late teens / early twenties all the time
07/23/2008
Kevin smith was at the secret stash (they had a west LA location once upon a time). So I went with my now age appropriate youngest sister to a signing of the DVD for the British show "spaced"(also met Simon pegg). So I ask Kevin to sign my arm
"who else do you have?" I tell him John waters and Gregg Araki."
he smiled and nodded a fuckin'a nod "Greg Araki"
fucking A

The ballad of the second signature tattoo...Gregg Araki

I want to start off with a happenstance
so one day I was showing my bud squared (we were probably dating at the time ) " doom generation" we get around to Dustin Nguyen of 21 jump street fame getting his head blown off and landing in guacamole...when suddenly squared freaked out..not over the reanimated head vomiting guacamole but because I had in showing him the flick had solver a mystery of his past...the story goes one night he and his father were watching late night cable when they saw the aforementioned scene and did a WTF unknowing what movie it was or what context it had occurred in..till that moment squared sat shocked at the randomness.

I first was introduced to Gregg Araki cinema one night as I had sleepless slumber. I was dealing with my homosexual tendencies. The biggest issue was that I didn't see myself in gay culture. You don't get very many representations in popular media of korn loving punk rock music listening to horror movie buffs...so how could I be gay? I couldn't sleep..i was crying and dealing with my ever increasing feelings towards guys when I decided sleep wasn't happening so I turned on the tv and like squared I found an Araki movie while channel surfing. As I watched "nowhere"
I found myself growing attracted to James Duval...then he has a speech about being doomed...that was cathartic...then another blonde guy showed up...gorgeous and blonde...now if you've seen an Araki movie you know that his gay characters are unconventional (90210 with piercings and tattoos some critics have stated) and nowhere was no exception. You have to understand I was practically suicidal at this point. I had a girlfriend but I couldn't bring myself to go any further with her. I was abused for years as a child because I wasn't straight acting as a kid...to accept being gay was an acceptance that the perpetrator of my abuses was right...but I couldn't help it. I was growing attracted to the high school QB and I couldn't handle it.
James Duval and Nathan bexton end up together in bed at the end.
"all of my life I've wanted to find someone who loves me and accepts me for who what I am"
I cried more. They weren't your typical homosexuals and I realized then I didn't have to be either.
Gregg Araki (and Brian grillo of extra fancy) kept me from being another statistic.
11/24/2007 I raced across Santa Monica with stolzman from a showing of "brick" at the rialto (more on that later) to the nuart where Araki's newest flick "smiley face" (which he directed only) was being shown with an Araki QandA...so we raced so I could have Araki sign my arm so I could get it inked the next day. Movie, purchasing of a Harold and Maude DVD at the cinema, Araki was standing in the lobby. I actually already told him the story of how he saved me (this was my second time meeting him the first was at a "mysterious skin" screening) so this time was strictly a signature endeavor...so he places the marker on my arm and sees my first signature tattoo
"is that John waters?" I tell him it is "I don't want to be upstaged by John waters!"
he signs my arm and tells me he's going to have to tell John about this one.
since that day I've met several people who have been touched by his flicks..all queer dudes who saw a bit of themselves in his cinema. His signature tattoo is for a suicidal teenager who found himself via independent cult cinema.

Signature one...john waters

so having decided to get filmmaker tattoos John waters made sense...see with John I first realized the concept of filmmakers.
see I grew up with a minimal world view on cinema. See movies had no connection aside from sequels. There was no "hey lets see the newest Spielberg movie!" no concept of personal style. Now I won't tell how I met John waters cinema (http://www.dreamlandnews.com/fans/zero_p.shtml
) see I'll tell you the story of Sonya orloff.
one day as I was waiting for a tram to take me up to college (it was on a hill) a lady I would now state was very much like Valerie solanis struck up a conversation with me. She saw me reading a magazine with John on it and suddenly she was grilling me on his other work. I felt inferior having only seen serial mom. I told her I'd check out the rest. I met a new world.
I've always been attracted to the more eccentric parts of life. But in John waters I found with a similar taste of the absurd.
if my filmmaker tattoos represent a specific time in my life I think John waters's signature represents a transition period for me. I got into John as I was discovering my queer identity. Meeting him, having iconic LA punk legend jenny Lenz take a picture of him signing my arm..just surreal. Since meeting him it seems like every unique and interesting person I've met has somehow involved John waters (not to say I haven't met people that haven't). One time someone struck up a conversation with me because I was reading a John waters book on the redline...and I had a Sonya orloff flashback.

The one with the origin of the signature tattoo's

As you may or may not know depending on if I know you..or you know me...well hopefully I know you because while it's flattering when someone says they know you and see you around but you never see them...like sometimes...I'll be at a bar or the cinema and someone suddenly tells me they ride the bus with me all the time and they want to know if I see them...and i'm like...no...Like this one time on the 720 rapid this dude named Jeff was all like...I see you...You ever see me? And I was like....umm no...

Moral Orel is my right arm is full of signatures from various filmmakers and other individuals who in some form shaped my upbringing.  People always ask me if I know Tyler Durden (they don't I just couldn't help making that reference) People always ask me if I ever plan on pursuing a dream of making movies, often I tell them "perhaps" but more often than not I tell them that not every child in a farm town wants to grow up and be a farmer.  Now as I go into these filmmakers and give you an origin story on them then , hey, it might make sense to you why I have silly scribbles on my arm but I can't just jump right into it with JW proper because as everyone knows you need a preamble

some sort of statement of intent

so here you go.  Statement of intent

Now some people love to get tattoo's of things they feel are special, dear etc.  See like someone may never say meet a panda in person, but they might get one inked...now that's their thing.  The first tattoo I got was at 19 on my back.  The story goes like this..I had a hoodie...i kidnapped my sister and her friend and we went around asking dudes we thought were cute if it made a good tattoo, around the point one guy lifted up his shirt and showed us his scorpion tattoo did we decide it would make for an awesome tattoo.  You get ink about things you like right?

And so one day after seeing "Cecil B. Demented" (where cinema terrorist get tattoos of their favorite filmmaker) did it make sense.  I decided one day the first signature would be the first tattoo...and honestly I didn't plan on my right arm becoming what it has.